Bad Dream.

I had an awful dream last night was definitely triggered from various conversations yesterday. I dreamt that Rachel died from some sudden accident, and to top it off, the next day I was driving a care with Dad in the passenger's seat, and we ended up in a tragic accident. My dad died almost immediately and I survived. I remember going to Dev in hopeless and desperate manner. I wrote, "Rachel died," or something along those lines, on a piece of paper and handed it to him. He looked at me with such sadness and understanding because he finally understood when my eyes went sorrowful and dark. He said it was going to be okay and that we could talk about it the next period. Then I burst into tears and said, "I killed my father, too! I got into an accident and he died!" The tears kept falling and although the situation was depressing, it felt like a release to be saying this aloud, something I didn't do until this point in the dream. I would go hours without crying and simply sitting in my place not eating and feeling completely numb. Then I would cry for hours on end. My friends were concerned but didn't know what to do about me. Dev then said he would take the next period off and we could talk about everything, that it would all be okay.

To say the least, I woke up feeling like total shit and scared that this was a reality. It was so painful. Thankfully it wasn't a reality! Rach helped me understand that, haha.